[00:00] Rise, renew,
[00:01] reconnect.
[00:03] Welcome to from the Ashes, a podcast where bold conversations empower healing and authentic, vibrant living.
[00:20] All right, everyone. Welcome back to from the Ashes.
[00:24] It's your host, Valerie Huang Beck,
[00:26] and I am back for a solo cast today,
[00:31] but I am going to do something a little bit different.
[00:34] Apologies if I meander off at any point. I'm trying out a new format today.
[00:41] I've been a topic that I've been grappling with by myself. And so the title of this podcast is called it's okay to stop abandoning yourself for the cause.
[00:52] And there are lots of little points to pick up in there.
[00:57] And so we're going to break it down,
[00:59] but this really is about the difference and really creating a distinct definition between sacrifice and abandonment and the difference between sacrificing for something you believe in and abandoning yourself for it,
[01:15] or abandoning yourself for something that somebody told you to believe in.
[01:20] And the thing is, culture rarely teaches us how to tell the two apart. So I am here to attempt to distinguish those two things.
[01:29] But instead of just talking at you, I'm gonna try to have a conversation with myself today.
[01:35] So I'm gonna present some arguments, and then I'm gonna push back on them and ask some questions I think you might be asking maybe in your head as you're listening to this,
[01:43] and then we'll see how it lands.
[01:45] So settle in. If you're in to get deep today.
[01:49] Stay with me. We're going for a ride.
[01:51] All right, so let's start from the beginning by breaking down the statement,
[01:56] it's okay to stop abandoning yourself for the cause.
[02:00] So we have the word abandoning. We have the cause.
[02:04] What is it that I mean?
[02:06] So it might sound like I'm saying you should stop caring or like this is permission to stop caring about something.
[02:14] The other day, actually,
[02:16] we were presented this company values presentation on, like, a PowerPoint at work,
[02:22] where we had to essentially read through the PowerPoint, and it was talking about customer service, how to work in this company.
[02:30] And for the most part, I really appreciated this because they were laying out the values of the company.
[02:36] But it came one point where I caught myself being like, I don't agree with this. And that one point was that you need to put other people's needs before your own as a way for you to perform well in this company.
[02:53] Okay, so we've heard this many, many times, right? In many different contexts. And I totally understand where this is coming from. It comes from really good intentions. But the problem with the statement is that it's not clear.
[03:06] So most of the time when people are saying put your needs behind everyone else's,
[03:12] it's to prevent people from being unnecessarily self centered in which the workflow of the company may be disrupted. Right. And where things might not get done in a way that needs to get done in a project or whatnot.
[03:28] But this statement can be easily misconstrued as you're not allowed to care for your own needs while you're doing work for us.
[03:36] And oftentimes there really is no distinction because that distinction is not made. And that is why we have so many problems with people taking time off because they get sick.
[03:47] There are so many problems with people being afraid not to get time off or not taking time off because they don't feel well. This is why by taking leave for personal purposes such as child rearing and all of that is looked down upon, whether it's intentional or not.
[04:04] So I live in Tokyo, Japan and I was born and raised in the States. I don't think there's a distinction here between Western and Eastern. I think that this is something that I see kind of across the board and that I think is actively now being addressed in a corporate culture.
[04:20] However, I want to move the needle forward even a little bit more with this discussion by really naming something that we don't often know to consciously and intentionally, deliberately name.
[04:31] When it is that when we sign on to a company, when we sign on to a project, when we sign on to any endeavor, we are essentially agreeing to work for and kind of take on the values and mission and vision of whoever it is that we are working for.
[04:50] Which means that we are also agreeing to care about them. Right?
[04:54] So saying that we're not going to abandon ourselves is not the same as we're not going to put other needs, other people's needs and the company's needs before our own when it's necessary.
[05:06] I want to bring also the word sacrifice into this because I think sacrifice is also a word that gets thrown around, that gets misconstrued, and that we put extra virtue on when in fact it's.
[05:17] It's not merited.
[05:19] So sacrifice has incredible meaning.
[05:23] And you know, when we care a lot about something, we are willing to sacrifice something of our own in order for us to make something else happen. Right? So I'll get into the distinction between abandonment and sacrifice in a minute.
[05:38] So let's just kind of go with the kind of the,
[05:41] the very common argument these days of isn't what I'm saying just a nice way of saying you should put yourself first always?
[05:51] And like, isn't putting yourself first selfish?
[05:54] So let's just get that out of the way right off the bat is that I think at a very fundamental level there is a necessity to selfishness.
[06:06] So let's just toy with that idea first. Because people are going to balk at this and be like that makes you a bad person, yada yada yada, if you're selfish.
[06:16] So if your needs are all met and you feel great and you have the resources to help someone,
[06:25] you're not wanting for anything, if you're not afraid that your, your possessions are going to be taken the neck away the next day,
[06:32] just put yourself in that mindset for just a couple seconds and just think about how easy it would be for, for you to put other people's needs first because you have all the things that you need, right?
[06:46] In theory.
[06:48] Now I want you to put yourself in the shoes of someone who isn't getting enough sleep every night, is not getting enough to eat, per se, is not necessarily going back to a safe household every night,
[07:05] and simply is not getting enough support in their life.
[07:12] How easy would it be for them to put others needs first?
[07:17] And is it fair for us to ask someone in that position to put others needs before their own?
[07:23] Now hopefully you have drawn your own conclusions in that question.
[07:28] But also there is a time and place where you kind of have to put your needs first if you know that you are not going to survive if you didn't,
[07:39] if you knew that you were not going to put your best foot forward if you didn't put your needs first.
[07:45] So I think the blanket statement, the value statement that was being put in that presentation for the company values is only for a person whose needs are already met to a certain point where they are not suffering if they can't focus on themselves.
[08:02] But I want to know if that's actually the reality of what people are, how people are functioning. Because last Christmas when I was at the grocery store I saw somebody like, like a, just a supermarket worker,
[08:14] right, and he was falling asleep in his place as he was putting out groceries.
[08:19] And I, I don't know, I felt really bad for him,
[08:22] right, because he was out on like a Christmas day putting out groceries on the shelves. Clearly not really because he wanted to per se. He was severely sleep deprived and like no one was batting an eye and there's this kind of like, well,
[08:38] show up for the company, the company's understaffed or whatever it might be, or maybe his family. You know, we need to make more money so that we could get our bills paid on time.
[08:47] But then at what point does this become deranged and self destructive?
[08:53] At what point is putting other people's needs first leading to an outcome that can be extremely dangerous for not only the individual, but for society as a whole?
[09:07] We need to be a little bit more specific about this.
[09:10] You can't sustain anything from a depleted place.
[09:15] So now that brings me to the question of what's the difference between sacrificing something for something and then abandoning yourself for it?
[09:24] Because from the outside those two things can look identical.
[09:29] So remember how I said that when you sign on to work for a company, a project, a person,
[09:35] you are also agreeing to that entities,
[09:39] mission, vision and values.
[09:42] It is your responsibility essentially to see if you align with these things. By the way,
[09:47] when you are sacrificing,
[09:50] you are making a conscious decision to direct, direct resources towards what is important to you.
[09:59] So when you say yes to a company,
[10:02] to a job, to a project,
[10:05] you are saying this entity's mission, vision and values is important to me. So that I am directing my personal resources so that that can happen for them. Because somehow it's also important and aligned with me.
[10:21] That is what sacrifice is.
[10:24] Another way to look at it is that you are making something sacred, you are elevating something else as something that's worthy of.
[10:34] And by sacrificing other things to elevate that thing to more worth.
[10:41] When we are making sacrifices, we are doing it with intent.
[10:48] Now that means that we know what we're giving our time and attention to, what we are giving our money to.
[10:55] Abandonment often comes when the resources that we are giving to something aren't aligning to our values, or we are giving them somewhat blindly,
[11:09] not knowing that those resources aren't in alignment with what the result that we want to see and are in fact sometimes against what we want to see.
[11:18] And so we stop thinking about whether we are giving our precious time, attention and money to something that would be important to us.
[11:29] And this becomes self abandonment.
[11:32] So why does abandonment happen?
[11:34] If we are giving to a worthy cause, is that sacrifice or abandonment? And the thing is, it could be either just depending on your mind state and your mindset.
[11:47] And the thing is,
[11:48] if we don't look a little bit closer at what our mindset is when it comes to giving,
[11:57] then we can easily find ourselves abandoning.
[12:02] I can argue that abandonment usually comes from fear or sometimes a sense of low self worth.
[12:10] But it is almost always culture driven society driven rules, right?
[12:18] Norms that are unspoken and un.
[12:23] I guess the word would be we haven't actually looked at them enough closely to see if these agreements that we have made are creating the impact that we actually want.
[12:36] So again, culture tends to blend abandonment and sacrifice into one.
[12:41] And so we see the aftermath of that because sometimes it leads to great outcomes for self in society and sometimes it leads to catastrophic outcomes for ourself in society.
[12:54] I said that sacrifice is about making something sacred.
[12:57] So then the question becomes is sacred to who?
[13:01] And how do would I know if I'm serving my own values or somebody else's values?
[13:08] So then it, it just comes to the question of have you given yourself enough time to actually zoom out to see where your time and resources are being put and taking some time to also then determine whether they are aligned with your own values?
[13:27] Have you actually sat down with yourself to see what it is that you value and if those values that you actually believe that you value are yours or somebody else's?
[13:39] So hopefully by now you've maybe looked at some of the values that you have been brought up with and you start to see, well,
[13:47] where in life am I bumping up against a little bit of friction?
[13:53] So this often tends to happen when a first time is probably around when we're teenagers,
[13:59] right, and we are learning that sense of independence and rebellion,
[14:03] but it shouldn't stop there. And, and oftentimes like if we continue to see that the world is a lot bigger than we thought it was,
[14:13] then we start to also integrate new information.
[14:17] So if you have been taught, by the way,
[14:20] to not question things, this is going to be difficult.
[14:23] If you are one of those people who, you're not really sure what your own values are yet. Start from there.
[14:31] Because if you don't, you really can't answer whether your values are yours or somebody else's.
[14:38] So why is it that it's so important to know your own values?
[14:43] Well, because that's the only way you can make sovereign choices.
[14:48] If you know what aligns with your values, you can make a decision to continue to act in alignment, or you can continue to make decisions that are out of alignment.
[14:59] But if you have no idea, you're only going to be acting upon your ignorance.
[15:06] And then it is about knowing the values, mission and vision again of the people that you serve.
[15:11] Do you align with the people that you serve?
[15:15] And if they don't align.
[15:18] Why do you continue to act as if you are?
[15:23] Because isn't that abandoning your own personal values for another entity?
[15:31] Okay, so here I'm going to bring up an objection that people might have. Is that.
[15:36] So I understand that, you know, if I am giving myself up to a company that doesn't align with my values, let's say like the values are that I get to be happy and healthy,
[15:49] right? And do my work.
[15:50] But the company that is is saying like I'm, I have to show up to work even if I'm sick. Let's just, this is just an example like in the, in the case of the grocery store worker on Christmas.
[16:02] But the thing's like I have to survive, right? Like I don't always get to choose based on my value. Sometimes I just need the paycheck.
[16:09] Are you going to live your entire life like that though? Let me just ask you that. Is your entire life going to be. I just have to survive enough to get the paycheck and it doesn't matter how ragged, rundown and sick I get,
[16:22] I have to survive is a mentality that keeps us in victim mindset.
[16:27] If you continue to stay in there, you will never be empowered to make choices that are sovereign.
[16:34] And with the money,
[16:35] money is not the only resource,
[16:38] but there are other types of resources, right? So the power isn't in how much you have,
[16:44] it's in choosing where you direct what you have.
[16:48] It's not if you have a million dollars or $1 in your bank account.
[16:53] You always will have a choice as to where you're designating your resources, whether it be a dollar or a million dollars.
[17:00] Same thing with time, right? You get to choose where you designate your time.
[17:05] And if you are choosing to give your time,
[17:09] money, etc to places that do not care about you and where there is no return on your investment,
[17:17] then that is self abandonment and that leads to self destruction.
[17:21] It is really important actually to work for a place that cares about you because of this principle, I think.
[17:27] And when we think that we don't have choice, it just gives power to the people who are abusive.
[17:34] So chew on that for a second.
[17:37] If we don't think that we have power over where we get to work,
[17:41] that gives power to the people who are abusive,
[17:44] we must be able to be willing to stick up for ourselves. We need to have enough self worth to be able to say no to rules, institutions,
[17:54] people who don't have our best interests in mind.
[17:58] So I want to zoom out even a little bit more and I was thinking about the concept of fascism,
[18:05] but there's this imperfection and there's this tendency in human beings that lead us to facets of what I would call fascism.
[18:17] And so whether we live in systems that are completely in control of our well being or not, just hear me out.
[18:24] Okay?
[18:26] So one of the things that I was thinking about is that self abandonment can scale into something like fascism.
[18:34] So there are just little things that are nagging at me.
[18:37] And again, we need to start thinking and distinguishing between concepts in a more intentional,
[18:45] specific way.
[18:46] That's why I'm nitpicking.
[18:48] So the core features of fascism I want you to think about, it's subordination of the individual to the collective as an organic whole.
[18:58] Personal need or dissent is framed as weakness or betrayal.
[19:02] And the individual's legitimate interests only existing insofar as they serve the group.
[19:09] Meaning that you as an individual do not matter.
[19:14] This is not exclusive to fascist states. This is actually very omnipresent in all of human society.
[19:22] There's, there's always this, this pressure,
[19:26] I think,
[19:27] to sacrifice yourself for the whole.
[19:31] You need to fall in line and do what everyone else is doing. As long as it's within their paradigm of what's acceptable, it's okay.
[19:41] So, well, what are the ways in which human beings tend to act that would lead to fascism?
[19:47] And it is that we internalize a dialogue of we're not allowed to put our own needs first, our own interests first, and therefore we should be quiet, we should suffer in silence,
[19:59] and we should allow ourselves to get sick, because that's what everybody thinks is good. So the definition of good becomes self destructive.
[20:09] But this is. The thing is, now I see in systems where there's even just a subtle,
[20:15] if not outwardly explicit expectation for us to abandon ourselves for the greater whole is that the parts start to break down. The integrity of this, of the system starts to break down because the foundation is lost.
[20:37] And that foundation is the morale. The foundation is the well being of the people who are doing the work. The foundation is,
[20:44] is people being able to lead joyful, fulfilling lives,
[20:48] which then leads to them being able to contribute to the whole again. We're not claiming that these rules necessarily lead to a fascist state, but it leads to tendencies for things to break down.
[21:01] The thing is, once you bought a mechanism,
[21:04] you can spot it anywhere at any scale. And the thing is, like when you see something on a small scale kind of corrupting the way things are supposed to work,
[21:15] then you could start to zoom out and see how that little mechanism is present in everything else and then becomes common, widespread.
[21:25] The problem is that most people don't examine the structures they're embedded in closely enough to see patterns that are operating.
[21:33] So when I'm naming extreme versions of stuff,
[21:37] it's because it helps make the small, normalized version visible. And the small normalized vision looks benign.
[21:46] But if we don't question it, if we say, well, you know, it's, it's very isolated and you know, this is just how the way it is, then we're allowing this to just keep going and going and going.
[21:57] So then the question becomes, well, at what point does the team needs to pull together turn into self abandonment?
[22:06] So the line is whether someone's personal reality, illness, distress,
[22:11] values are allowed to exist and be acknowledged, or whether it has to be hidden for the group to function when somebody's own distress can be acknowledged. This is a functional thing.
[22:22] You can just go home when you feel sick. You don't have to feel guilty about the time you're taking off. But oh my gosh, the amount of people that walk through my doors because they feel guilty for resting is just.
[22:34] It's like 99% of people, if not a hundred percent of people that walk through my doors as clients.
[22:40] And it's,
[22:42] you know, it really shows me where disease is starting.
[22:45] Like,
[22:46] it's not about like the germs necessarily or the bad cholesterol.
[22:51] It's. It's that they're not even, like, people are not even allowed anymore to admit that they're struggling.
[22:58] And so it gets buried and buried until it blows up in their face. And now they have to go see specialists about it.
[23:04] Organizations and projects where the individual has standing where they are actually valued for their own voice.
[23:12] Right? These are healthy organizations. But when it starts to become something like, don't bring your drama in here,
[23:19] we don't care what's happening at home.
[23:21] We only want to see your positive energy. This is where we start to just communicate to people that their individual experiences don't matter in the grand scheme of things.
[23:34] So then my question is always like, who is all of this for then? If we're trying to create organizations, work projects that better humanity and try to make people's lives better while we're making our workers lives hell,
[23:48] whose lives are we supposed to be benefiting anyway?
[23:51] Certainly not our workers.
[23:53] It's certainly not the people who are making this happen.
[23:57] I feel like there's a big disconnect here.
[23:59] Like, we're trying to create like these amazing experiences while the people who Are doing it, are suffering.
[24:07] That seems just insane to me that we're asking people to suffer for this very false illusion of some other being that deserves our help better or our attention better, or our money or whatever.
[24:23] But the thing is,
[24:25] employees are not trained to carry out a vision. They are trained to carry out orders.
[24:31] I just want to point out the breakdown between the vision and the reality.
[24:35] And this actually applies to many different organizations.
[24:41] But in the execution of a vision, the visionary is essentially a leader,
[24:46] right?
[24:47] They set the values, they set the mission, they set the vision.
[24:52] They don't manage the vision.
[24:54] So they trust employees to carry out the mission and the vision and the values.
[25:00] When we don't train the people who work for us to look out for and embody. Embody being very, very key word.
[25:12] The values,
[25:13] we don't ask them to internalize the mission and the vision to buy into this actually, like for real buy into it. Then we just have words on the paper and then people will default to their programming.
[25:30] So a lot of the time what you'll see is that the visionary has a way that they want to see the world function.
[25:42] And then the people underneath the visionary have a way that they know an organization should be worked.
[25:50] And because they don't share the values, because they haven't been given the training, they haven't been socialized or brought up to actually think in this way of like, what's important to me,
[26:02] what do I want to see in the world? How do I want people to be treated? How do I want to be treated? The default is to just do what you have been taught, which is not necessarily the way that's most helpful.
[26:15] And nobody has said, like, wait, but wait, wait, wait.
[26:19] What. What are we actually trying to accomplish here? What kind of experience are we actually trying to create here?
[26:26] It creates this kind of nervous tension and nobody's happy.
[26:30] And the fact of the matter is, in a rapidly evolving world, the.
[26:35] The more intentional we can be, the better. Because otherwise we're. It's kind of like we're just riding a train and like we don't know where it's going. And it's going faster and faster,
[26:45] right? And so we better know where we're going. We better have a say into where we want to direct this train. Otherwise we're going to end up fast somewhere we did not intend to be.
[26:58] Okay,
[26:59] so now let's look at an even bigger picture. Every organization, cause or project needs a vision, mission, and values.
[27:10] Like, I think it should be required that they should be able to See exactly what kind of world they are creating,
[27:18] because everything that they do should be aligning to that vision.
[27:23] If you want a crazy freaking world,
[27:26] and that is your vision and that's what is aligned with your values, you gotta at least own that. Because if you want something different, you're gonna need to to steer the ship a different way.
[27:38] Each person that goes into an organization needs to also have the responsibility and the self awareness to define this for themselves.
[27:48] If we want to evolve, I think as a species,
[27:54] we need to start to encourage this type of thinking,
[27:58] right? Every time that we're opting into someone else's mission,
[28:02] where every time we take a job and we pick a teacher or we join a project, we're opting into someone else's mission,
[28:08] we should think of it that way. We are choosing with our time, attention and money what is important to us.
[28:19] Okay?
[28:20] So right up until this point,
[28:23] many of us have been defaulting into things out of survival pressure, not true alignment,
[28:30] because no one has taught us to check it first.
[28:32] And that is making us sick.
[28:35] So I want to bring this to a concept in health that I often talk about on this podcast in my teachings. And that is the Ayurvedic word for health.
[28:45] And in Sanskrit this word is svastha. Svastha. Sva means self, Sta means stability.
[28:52] It is stability or establishment in the self. Why does it matter here?
[28:57] Well, to be in perfect health means that you are established in yourself, which means that you have self love, self confidence, self esteem, self respect.
[29:05] And this is not separate from health.
[29:07] And health is fundamental as a human being,
[29:10] as a living being on this planet. It is somewhat of an ideal.
[29:14] Is it realistic? I would certainly like to think that being in homeostasis is realistic for people,
[29:21] that being settled in yourself and actually loving who you are is realistic for people and not just a luxury for the few.
[29:27] And maybe it seems really out of reach because most people are just trying to get through a week,
[29:33] but the fact that we are actually questioning whether this is something that can be realistic is exactly the conditioning that I want to question.
[29:43] Treating settledness as a luxury instead of the baseline for getting things done, getting through the week while abandoning yourself is what's actually unsustainable.
[29:56] And I keep thinking back to the grocery store worker on Christmas because like how,
[30:02] you know, I hate to be fatalistic, but like, how far away was he from death?
[30:07] He could have gone on his bicycle, like motorcycle that and just crashed,
[30:11] right? He was that close to it. And he is not the only one that I've ever come across that has been like that. Who has actually talked about it that way?
[30:17] I've actually had clients talk about their lives that way to me.
[30:21] And why are we allowing ourselves to get to this point?
[30:24] Because we want to feel accepted. We want to have enough money, we want to do yada yada, yada. But what is your life worth?
[30:32] Like, is it actually worth that little?
[30:34] Would it be worth a little bit of rest to miss a little bit of work to make sure that you're alive for the next day?
[30:40] I mean, even beyond that. Right. Like, I would prefer that you prefer to be alive even farther than that and actually have a good life. But I mean, sometimes it comes down to this.
[30:49] If we were to see things down the road of where they're leading,
[30:53] oftentimes that future is very bleak.
[30:56] So I am here to encourage people to look for a brighter future for themselves.
[31:02] What happens to someone who keeps abandoning themselves over time?
[31:06] You know, burnout, depletion.
[31:08] I've seen it in autoimmune symptoms. I've seen it in stress or in fatigue, in high blood pressure.
[31:16] I've seen it in people who are just too exhausted to even want to do things or to do the things that they once loved or to take care of themselves.
[31:25] And when we are so depleted, and when we are encouraged to be depleted as a virtue,
[31:31] we're creating dependency on the very institutions that cause the depletion and say, you got to work a little bit more to make that money.
[31:40] And the sad,
[31:42] crazy thing is it's not always a nefarious, intentional thing on the institutional side or the leader side or the teacher side.
[31:51] Right. I don't think people are, and organizations and companies are doing this necessarily intentionally to destroy society.
[31:58] I think we're just operating on out outdated and unclear conditioning.
[32:04] Yeah. And so if you are a leader and you are realizing that you have asked people to show up and abandon themselves,
[32:12] then I want to encourage you to do something different.
[32:16] It is not necessarily your fault that you've been leading things this way.
[32:22] This is simply how we've been conditioned to lead. But what I'm saying is it's time to do something else.
[32:29] If you're asking someone to ignore their sickness or their distress to perform,
[32:33] you are essentially extracting their energy without asking if it benefits them.
[32:39] And I want you to ask yourself also, if you are building self confidence and individuality in people or training them compliance and regurgitation,
[32:49] then the argument might become that sometimes people need to be pushed. Right? Like, isn't there Some discomfort for growth that's so distinct,
[32:59] right? Again, it goes back to, is this person suffering from not getting their needs met or are they like,
[33:06] you know, stuck in their.
[33:09] Their own limiting beliefs? Those are two different things. And I. We really need to start to be able to distinguish between what the difference is.
[33:16] And that's our. That's our responsibility as leaders.
[33:19] Does what you are telling a person to do also serve them?
[33:24] Or is it just serving the output?
[33:27] So now I want you to think about values, right? We all have a right to.
[33:32] To think about our own values and what's important to us.
[33:36] So what is your cause?
[33:38] What projects do you think are worthy of your time?
[33:42] And do the people and organizations that you currently work for have your best interests at heart?
[33:49] Do you have your own growth and interests at heart?
[33:54] And does the work that you do lead to outcomes that you actually want to see in the world?
[33:59] If the answer is no,
[34:01] if this isn't leading to somewhere where I actually wanted to go,
[34:05] then I mean, I guess the blunt question is, why aren't you doing something else?
[34:10] Because my argument is that there is always a better way.
[34:14] And it might not be the easy way because it's counterculture and you might have to upset some people,
[34:21] but I'm just planting a seed of why aren't you doing something else?
[34:26] The first move might not to be to quit your job.
[34:28] And it might not even be the ultimate answer.
[34:31] It's to start listening to yourself. Like seriously listening, not just to your anxiety and your chatters, but like your actual soul.
[34:41] What are your values?
[34:44] The first move might be to build your self confidence and your self love. Do the practices that you know you need to do, get the counseling that you know you need, get the coaching, get the mentorship to build up your self confidence and self esteem and to really start treating yourself and your own body,
[35:00] the one that you have been born into in this lifetime, the only one that you get as something precious,
[35:05] something to take care of. And that loops back to your health and self care.
[35:11] I really hate this thing that people say online where it's like, self care isn't bubble baths and blah blah, blah. Well, duh.
[35:21] It's not luxury. That's the paradigm of self care being luxury. And that just misconstrues the entire argument.
[35:28] Self care is making sure you are fed,
[35:31] making sure you're housed, making sure you are clothed. These are basic responsibilities.
[35:38] Rested. Making sure you are rested.
[35:42] Right?
[35:43] It's not fancy, it's not indulgence, and it's not Luxury and it's not extra.
[35:48] And it might sound too basic to matter, right? Like how. How can eating and sleeping fix a values crisis? Well, it can because it gives you the clarity to actually consider these things.
[36:00] These basics are actually the foundation people have been neglecting for years and years without noticing.
[36:06] You can't hear your own values from a depleted body.
[36:11] So in the collective with my members right now we are reading through the book the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. And one of the chapters, there's this really great quote on the necessity of self care.
[36:26] And this book is about recovery. It's about the recovery of creativity, but it's also the recovery of self. Right? Which blends really well into the theme that I'm talking about today.
[36:36] So the quote is this. All too often we become blocked and blame it on our lack of money. This is never an authentic block. The actual block is our feeling of constriction,
[36:46] our sense of powerlessness.
[36:48] Art requires us to empower ourselves with choice. And at the most basic level, this means choosing to do self care.
[36:57] End quote. This is basic.
[37:00] Self care is basic.
[37:02] The real block isn't about money. It's the feeling of constriction and powerlessness. I couldn't have said it better myself.
[37:09] Empowerment starts with choosing to care about yourself.
[37:13] That's self care.
[37:14] You are responsible for creating the world and the life that you want to see, which means that you are responsible for your choices.
[37:22] If you decide to be blind and to just be, I have no choice.
[37:27] Guess what? You are signing onto the world where you have no choice.
[37:31] And then times that by however billions of people there are on this planet,
[37:35] that's a lot of people who are deciding to give their power away.
[37:40] And I just can't help but wonder what life in the world would be if we actually were to take our responsibility for our own lives.
[37:49] Okay, so I think I've ranted long enough.
[37:53] I would like to hear what you thought of this episode where I think the tone has been quite different.
[37:59] And is there anything that you would want to add?
[38:01] Is there anything that you would want to argue?
[38:04] I'd love to actually pick apart a couple more points because again, this is just kind of my thoughts on the matter.
[38:12] And me broadcasting into the void doesn't make for change, right? Change only comes in dialogue when there are other people in the room where we can actually start solving problems together rather than ranting by ourselves.
[38:27] So please comment and let me know if you have anything to say.
[38:32] Now, if you've been listening to this and you're starting to realize that you have a lot that you need to unpack for yourself.
[38:38] I want you to know that I am here to hold space for you.
[38:41] I offer a free 30 minute conversation that I call the Vibrant Vision Session. And while you're getting on a call with me, I want to be clear about what this actually is.
[38:50] You're not getting on the phone with me as a friend. You're going to be speaking with someone with experience across Ayurveda, holistic wellness, cross cultural education,
[38:59] and who has coached people through exactly these kinds of conversations for years.
[39:04] That's why you can trust that whatever you bring up in my room won't be brushed over.
[39:09] If you sign up for a session, I want you to come in ready to be seen and heard fully. I am there to meet you exactly where you are and to listen for how I might actually be able to help you.
[39:19] If that's something that you're ready for, look for the Vibrant Vision Session booking. Link in the show notes and we'll chat.
[39:25] Thank you so much for tuning in today and thank you for showing up for you. I'll see you next time.
